Anatomy 

brandil79

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November 5, 2015

Let us examine the door.

We know the basics. Handle or knob. Lock. Hinges. Maybe it has a window. Perhaps it has a small peephole of knocker.

The face of a door can have panels. And mullions. That little bit at the bottom that theoretically keeps the dirt and bugs out is called a sweep. The lock is filled with tumblers. The tumblers are not filled with bourbon. If the door is fancy and has several decorative windows, they each have a descriptive; transoms and sidelites. There’s a threshold and a casing and a sill and a jamb. Some have cornices. Entablatures. Entablatures. That’s a fun word. 

Losing someone is a lot like giving birth to a child. There are all these firsts. The first time you forget and think “I’ll call them”. The first holiday without them. The first time you do a thing they loved and they are gone. The first thunderstorm, snow, accomplishment, bad day, good day. All the things that are the first time you do those things without them. Today is another first. I’ll live. 

There I’ve said it

brandil79

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November 4, 2015

I’m an extrovert. A socially anxious, obsessive compulsive, slightly neurotic, extrovert. I know being introverted is all the rage these days. But I’m doomed to be, as usual, on the wrong side. I love people and can be around them all day if they’d let me. I’m aware that at least three-quarters of my friends are NOT extroverts and that my being is a near constant drain on their emotional resources. I do my best to not suck them dry. They tolerate my near constant need for people. I’m socially anxious, so sometimes I seem neurotic and bitchy around new people, but that usually goes away if I can find an ounce of commonality between us and then we can be fast friends. I’m loyal to a fault (seriously, I’ll tolerate a lot because I expect it of others) and sometimes I miss the most basic social cues (oh, it was time for me to leave hours ago, whoops). I’m occasionally too much for my partner. And he handles it like a champ. And calls me back home when the grocery store overwhelms me. I’m a believer in the power of a good beanie to protect you when life is too hard. I will drop everything and come to help you if you are in my circle of friends or family. I’m not always tactful, I sometimes ignore you if you intimidate me or I think you might be someone I want to befriend but I’m trying not to let my personality overwhelm you. I say “I love you” freely and recognize the different contexts of that phrase and I don’t like hugging but secretly enjoy getting hugged. Unless I don’t want to get hugged. Then you might get punched. My family comes before all else. Period. My friends come second only to my family. Strangers receive my kindness and smile freely Unless they interfere with the happiness of team one or two and I’ll probably end up one of those crazy cat ladies at some point. I don’t judge other people’s politics or lifestyles or hobbies or sexuality. I expect the same in return. I’m casually interested in a lot of things but only fanatical about a few. I don’t know why I’m writing this post. I do know I’m hungry. 

 

Throttled

brandil79

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November 3, 2015

Day 3 is always throttle day. Had a slow start and punched out little yesterday and now scrapping the whole endeavor and starting over which means I need to somehow bang out close to 6k today *scoffs*

She decided to ignore him for both their sakes. He was overwhelmed by her and pushing her away. It was okay. She didn’t need him. And she was well past trying anymore.  When she saw him in the hall or passed him on her walk home, she’d smile politely and he’d feel how over it she was and they’d both be better off because of it. She wasn’t prepared for how incredibly her plan would backfire

100 words

brandil79

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November 2, 2015

one word right after the other. That’s all it takes. To make one hundred. Maybe it’s the way the fall leaves rustle across the fresh asphalt and the smell of them mingles with machine oil and together that make an indelible memory of fall that roots in my brain like the smell of grass and warm earth mean summer. Maybe it’s the feeling of knowing how incredibly close to something new Each falling thing means a step closer to spring and growth and rebirth. Maybe that’s a hundred who knows?

Let’s Get One Thing Straight

brandil79

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November 2, 2015

Persecution: to harass or punish in a manner designed to injure, grieve, or afflict; specifically :to cause to suffer because of belief.

See. I get it. You feel harassed. You feel punished. You’re grieved. You are being made to suffer because of your beliefs. Or are you? If I disagree with you, am I making you suffer? Is my opinion as hot as a branding iron on your skin? Have I denied you your right to your beliefs by disagreeing with you? If I ask you to kindly worship and believe in your way on your time and to keep your beliefs out of our state funded schools, am I persecuting you? Is that really harassment? Don’t we have the same constitutional right to worship, or not, in whichever manner we choose as long as we don’t bring our beliefs, or non-beliefs, into a state sanctioned environment? I’m certain we do. Freedom to worship does not include freedom to indoctrinate. It simply is what it is. Freedom to choose how YOU worship. You do not get to decide how anyone else does that. They do not get to decide for you. You certainly may not violate the sanctity of separation and cry “persecution” when someone else calls you out on it. We don’t get to touch each other on this. Neither of us can breach the barrier that protects us from a state mandated religion. Schools are our neutral zones. And we must both protect them. No one is telling individuals they can’t pray. They ARE telling people with authority inside those schools that they may not include students in prayers that are specific to that employee’s belief. It’s the sacrifice you agreed to when you took that role on. You will not indoctrinate the youth in your protection; they are vulnerable and attend school because they are required. When you force them to participate in your religion, even unintentionally, You are stripping them of their right to choose how they worship. The very thing you are crying out is being done to you. So please protect the sanctity of their constitutional right to choose how to worship, or not, and In return, your freedom to worship in other public forums will protected. 
I’m gonna throw a little edit and leave it right here too, for anyone who starts screaming about rights. Because my basic understanding is that Christianity is beholden to the teachings of their leader, mainly that Jesus guy: Matthew 6:6

Happy NaNoWrimo

brandil79

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November 1, 2015

or whatever.

I’ve decided anxiety is like living with a bear. Sometimes the bear sleeps. Sometimes something pokes the beast and it wakes up and sits on your chest because it can. You can feed it. But it’ll still be hungry again in an hour. It might hibernate, but it’s gonna come out of that den unless it’s dead. And anxiety bear is never dead. It’s an immortal animal. You can’t reason with it, cuz it’s a bear. You don’t get to set the pace at which the bear changes course and moves along. Again, it’s a bear. Sometimes it shits all over your house. Sometimes it blocks the doorway with its giant bear ass. Basically it’s an asshole. But it’s just an animal. It doesn’t have an agenda, it’s a bear. A big, stinking, kill you with one swipe, bear. 

Daily 10-28

brandil79

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October 28, 2015

I will never tell her she needs to change.  Or brush her hair to be pretty.  Or that people won’t like her if she looks, acts or dresses a certain way.  I will not do these things.  And if I do, in a moment of frustration, make her feel like she should be different or better or not her, I will apologize and I will make sure she knows that we are all amazing just as is.  She is amazing.  And everything she needs to be she will be, and not because of anything I say.  It will be because every day I challenge myself to do new things, bigger things, things that I want and need to feel like this life has been worth living.  That is what I can do for her.  Be awesome and let her know that however she decides she wants her life to turn out, she absolutely can have that and no one can tell her differently.  Not even me.

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