This past ten days has been very difficult and I am right back where I was nearly a year ago. I’ve made a solid mess of things in my desire to avoid my grief and repress my real feelings about life and pretending to be something I’m not has gotten me in the middle of something I never expected. I can’t begin to begin again. And life just keeps the curveballs coming. I don’t believe in predestination, but I do think there’s some punishment happening right now. The universe, if it does get ticked off, is pretty fucking pissed at me right now. I’ll eat this and see where i end up. But dammit, I’d go back if I could. I’d think things through differently and get help sooner. Real help. I wouldn’t keep another single thing inside that needed to see the light, no matter how painful revealing the truth at that time may have been. It’ll be okay. It has to be okay. We will all be okay. You too.