Winter might be over. I don’t trust it. We will probably get lulled into this security. And plant things. And plan things. And go places. Then it will ice and snow and sleet all over us. I don’t mind, not really. We need a little more winter. More water and snow makes water. I also can’t wait for the days to be longer and the nights to be warmer. I feel the spring tug at me. Telling me the new and the possible is around the corner.
I have been trying so hard lately. And I am exhausted. Tired of tiptoeing; worried that if I don’t watch every word or action I might hurt people again. I still feel broken. Like things are scattered and lost and the person I used to be is holding this puzzle together without all the pieces I need. I know I’ll be okay. I know it, I don’t necessarily feel it. There are people in my life that have gotten such an unfair gift from me. They know I have the potential to give friendship and they see it and they get nothing but my temper and cruelty. It hurts me to know I can’t give them more. I could have, but I just can’t now.
Spring is coming. Winter has a lighter hold than she did last month. She’s tired, like me. But her temper is still bubbling at the surface. We can’t trust her to leave us just yet.