There is a common misconception that Extroverted individuals are never shy, want to be around all the people all the time, or are, in general, happy go lucky individuals that experience little to no social anxiety.
It’s a fallacy I am going to dismantle for you right here and now. I have stated before I recognize that I sit square in camp Ex. I enjoy the comapny of others, don’t get terribly exhausted by parties or gatherings, can tolerate being in groups, and when I need to recharge my batteries I prefer the comapny of a friend or family over being alone.
This does not mean however that I can tolerate a very long work day where I have to constantly interact with strangers. It does not mean that before meeting someone new I don’t freak the fuck out. If a party is more than 5 people I don’t know, I’m likely to leave. If I do have to stay, I’ll interact, but will not always be as kind as im capable of being. This is because I can only be so “on” with strangers and the more strangers around me, the less strength I have to filter my personality.
I prefer the companionship of my family and a group of close knit friends. I may make friends quickly with someone new, but it often will mellow out into something more akin to aquaintance if I find that person to be too taxing on my filters. My closest friends are ones that allow me to make big mistakes socially. To say and do things that are completely inappropriate. While they may take a moment to remind me of the intensity or inappropriatess, it is never a lecture or a scolding. If I am around someone who cannot tolerate my big without making me feel that there is something wrong with it, they are quickly relegated to “sometimes coffee” friends.
I’m not always nice. I sometimes say exactly what’s in my brain at exactly the moment it is thought. It’s something I struggle to rein in on the best of days, in the best of years. I don’t want to hurt people. Sometimes I do. The shield between my brain and mouth takes a lot of work to maintain, so I pick people to be around that know that sometimes I am just too tired to keep it up.
So back to the whole fallacy. I can’t be around all the people all the time. Grocery stores stress me out because I’m easily over stimulated. Malls too. And IKEA makes me want to hide in the Gluug aisle. Still love people. And comapny. Just the ones a choose. Being an extrovert isn’t an automatic “I like everyone!”. It also is not an automatic “im always nice!” Sometimes I have a job to do. Sometimes I just don’t like someone. Believe it or not, it is okay to not like everyone. Sometimes I meet someone and like them at first, get to know them and realize that they are too much for me. Sometimes I don’t like someone for a very long time, until I find that ground we can stand on together without WW3 breaking out. Being extroverted doesn’t make it any easier for me to make friends than it does for introverts. It just means I might have more opportunities to meet people to become friends with. Equally, however, that’s more people to meet that just rub me wrong.
Hopefully any of this makes sense. If not, oh well.
ps: is it spring yet? I have plans. There will be basil.
Bountiful Words, Beautiful World 