Ive been sitting on a problem for a few months now. Maybe since…November? I don’t know really. It’s a thing that started and I don’t know when it started just that it did.

It’s not a secret I play the Roller Derby. Proof?  

Anyway. I’ve been doing this long enough that I’ve had quite a few lasting experiences and learned a lot. I’ve been with two iterations of the same team, a third team and now my most current and longest lasting team (this is the league I’ll die in btw, they’re stuck with me).

In the past two seasons (that sounds right) I’ve also taking on the task of coaching new skaters as they come into the league. I didn’t like coaching at first, I did it because I felt obligated. Afte a summer of doing, however, I found that it had become my favorite part of derby.  

Now comes the dilemma. In addition to coaching I also sit as president of our BOD and play on our travel team. I’ve noticed that im having a hard time switching roles. Players are treating me like “managment” even when I’m out on the track as “team”. It’s very demoralizing. Especially when I get near constant “managment” related complaints at practices, in emails and secondhand. I’m no longer being included in the “fun” stuff. Things like marketing and recruiting that are my favorite things to do are only being run by me as a courtesy and not as a “do you want to participate”.

I’ll admit. Most of these newer skaters only know the new angry version of me. So 99.9% of this is on me. My problem to fix. I just don’t know how. I love all the roles I play on the team and don’t want to give any up, but I can’t help but think maybe it’s time for me to decide where I fit. Do they need me on the team more than as a coach? Vice versa? What’s my line here folks? I’m not sure. When I think about not putting on my uniform this year it devestates me. Likewise, giving up coaching seems like the wrong move.

Anyway. Like the title states, this is awkward life stuff no one prepares you for. I just have to wing it and hope I don’t fuck up.

Now have a kitten pile


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