It’s after midnight, closerto 1:00 am and I’m sitting in the dark full of thoughts about how loss is all around us all the time. It’s not a great way to wake up. I can’t see a time when this won’t be who I am. I think about tomorrow (today) and try to plan ways to stay busy and distracted but I’m running out of ideas.
Before the alarms start sounding I’m fully aware that grief is where this is rooted. And that when the sun comes up, a new day will likely be just what I need to be a step closer to being on the other side of this. But in the quiet house and the dark rooms and the exhaustion, this feels like me. That’s all.
Edit to add: sometimes the right thing happens at the right moment, and then it seems okay again.